The Call I Never Wished

Crazy that the last blog I wrote was about mental health, friends, spirituality, and fitness. I guess I will run things down from the beginning. Now I’m not one to get too personal, but my way of getting things out and off of my chest is to write them. So here goes. Just two days after I posted my last entry, while driving in Tennessee, I received a phone call from my dad’s girlfriend’s oldest daughter that my dad had passed. I hung up the phone and my body went numb, and I pulled over and woke Jessica up because I couldn’t and didn’t want to put us in a bad situation. I told her what had happened, and she consoled me as I cried uncontrollably and lay in the bed while she got us to the nearest truck stop. Once we got to the truck stop and gathered myself, I called my dad’s girlfriend’s daughter back and started asking questions. I wasn’t given any direct answers and was basically told that her mom would handle everything and that I didn’t need to make this situation a pissing match Instantly my blood began to boil. How dare she tell me to not make a big deal out of my father’s passing. They were thinking about having a service on Tuesday and he passed on a Friday. All I needed to do was show up in their eyes. Showing up was not enough for me. I wanted to be there and help plan with my father’s service, as well as to make sure that his brothers and sisters from California were notified and had plenty of time to travel to Texas for his service. This triggered me, as it would anyone that is someone’s only child in their death. I called my brother and let him know what was going on, as well as my mother which he was last married to. My cousin from Montana who was close to my dad reached out to me, let me know that she was not getting any information either. There were phone calls back and forth to attempt to speak with my dad’s girlfriend, but every time I called it was always one of her daughters, and not her. Which I couldn’t understand, because it was her I felt the need to speak with. (Just a little background on her and my dad. They had been together for about 17 years but never legally married. We (his girlfriend and myself) never really had much of a relationship due to whatever reasons since I was a kid, but you would think as an adult, one would attempt to want to at least be kosher with the child of the person that you are seeing. (But that’s another story for another day.)

Since I wasn’t given any straight answers by anyone I decided to do my own research to figure out what had happened to my dad. Naturally, I have his social and date of birth because both of my parents have given them to me in case things happen and I need them, it also helped in my dad’s case that I am a Jr. I called the hospital, and they told me that he had family there when he passed. This struck me as off because as far as I was understood his girlfriend and her family may have been there, but his blood family was not. I politely let them know that I am his biological living next of kin, and I have been kept in the dark. The doctor and whomever else I had talked to at the hospital seemed confused. They could not give me any names or where he had been transported to. I called around and found out that my dad had been transported from the hospital to a funeral home, just hours after he had passed. I understand that things have to be done quickly in these circumstances, but as his only son and his living next of kin, I surely thought that I would be in on these plans. At the very least kept in the loop as things progressed. Once I got a hold of the funeral home that he was transported to, I kindly let them know that I am his living next of kin and that he does not have a wife. Again, the funeral home was confused as to how this could happen.

Needless to say since Jessica and myself were in Tennessee on a load, our company quickly found someone to take our current load from us and routed us to Texas. We were able to get from Tennessee to Texas City, Texas in about 24 hours. My brother came to assist with communication since he is older and my dad’s girlfriend’s girls seemed to like him more than I. We all went to the funeral home to see my father and pay our respects and to spend a few moments with him. Once we arrived to my dad’s house and spoke to his girlfriend who had been calling herself my dad’s wife since his passing. Anyone that knew my dad knew that he was not getting re-married to anyone. But things went as expected. We were called bad sons, and other things, because we had been living our lives. No one should be told that they are bad children because they do not visit enough in someone else’s eyes. But this was done in an attempt to get a rise out of us. This tactic did not work. But to fast forward we were on a wild goose chase to figure things out on behalf of my father. Come to find out much to our surprise, his girlfriend was listed as his sole beneficiary on EVERYTHING. Now just to insert a note here…my dad has always told us that when his time came that my brother and I would be well taken care of and to not worry about any of that. This leads me to believe that someone had gone into my father’s records. This could have easily been done because my dad wasn’t big on computers, and now, all of those insurance forms ect. are done online. After finding this information, this obviously hurt, because we did not have the proper funds to bury my dad. His girlfriend knew these things (claimed she did not), but still allowed us to go on a wild goose chase to figure these things out. After all of those things transpired, we felt pretty much defeated and it made grieving hard because things turned into rage pretty quickly. Because of the financial advantage (my dad’s insurance, retirement ect.)

We visited the funeral home once more with his girlfriend, and just as we expected, none of our requests were warranted. My father was a veteran and served our country in the Marine Corps as a Staff Sergeant. We were going to have him in a black Marine Corps casket as well as have military honors done by the local Marine Corps office. But because she was the one with the money, she was the one that called the shots. We really need to look at the way funeral homes and our medical field handle these things…but that’s just me. Luckily, the funeral home didn’t list her as the spouse on his death certificate, but the informant (wife) because she had no legal paperwork stating that they were married. We attended a quickly put together memorial service that I was not asked to participate in, speak or be acknowledged. After the entire fiasco, I was pretty much drained and needed to get away. I didn’t feel like pouring salt in my very open wounds by witnessing what they were planning for my dad’s funeral. My cousin suggested since we were already in the gulf, we should see about getting on a cruise. We looked and saw that a few were fairly cheap for a few days and we booked it. After paying my respects to my father at the funeral home, I felt like I had done my due diligence. I was not about to go to the service that his girlfriend put together with none of my dad’s wishes thought of. We jumped on Royal Caribbean’s Adventure of the Seas and headed to Mexico for a week of relaxation and reflection.

I have said all of that to say, PLEASE get life insurance through your job, as well as a separate organization, it does not matter where, but do some research on what will be best for you. Keep in mind that the people that come to assist will have bills to pay and accommodations that will need to still be paid for as well. Keep that in mind when you are picking a plan and determining how much you will need. Have your beneficiaries picked out and make sure that they know who they are, they do not need to know what or how much you are leaving them. All that they need to know is that they will be the ones taking care of your business when you pass. Have contingency plans made for EVERYTHING!!! This will help ease everyone because you will have had everything done in advance for them. I don’t wish what I had to endure on my worst enemy by far.